Have you ever prayed for something for a long time with no reply? Waited and waited for an answer with only silence? And then, when the answer finally comes, you start explaining how that isn't what you wanted? That's where I found myself this morning.
I've been praying for an interview/job all summer. Now that may not seem like a long time to you, but to me it has been an eternity. I've applied for positions all across the state and even in other states. And I haven't heard a thing from anyone. Not even a form letter or email saying, "Thank you for applying but we have filled this position." I realize that they are busy and have probably waded through more applications than they know what to do with, but when you are sitting on this end of it...it's like waiting for your birthday without the joy of presents to make up for all of the waiting!
It has gotten to the point where I've started applying for jobs without even considering them beyond whether or not I'm qualified for it. At the end of the school year, I told everyone I know that I would never teach 3rd grade or above. I'm made for Kindergarten. I love teaching Kindergarten. My perfect job in a perfect world would be to teach Kindergarten. But in the past month I've applied for every position I can which has included 3rd-6th grade positions. Having gone this long without hearing from any school district, I figured nothing would come of it.
I also have very specific opinions on where I would like to live. I don't want to work in a big city like Wichita or Kansas City. One of the suburbs wouldn't be terrible, but definitely not in the middle of the city! On the other hand, I don't want to work in a small town either. Can you imagine living in a town of 1,000 people or less? What on earth would you do to fill your free time? And how weird would it be to know or be known by everyone in town? That's way too much pressure for me! A town the size of Manhattan would be perfect for me, though I've applied for jobs in towns of every shape and size. Of course, I made sure that God was well aware of what I wanted. But I never stopped to seriously consider that his plan might not be the same as mine.
So here I am having prayed all summer for an interview/job. A chance to prove to somebody, anybody that I'm worthwhile. I can be a great teacher if you just give me a chance. I'm made for big things, I can just feel it! So when the phone call that I've been waiting for finally came this morning you would think that I would have been excited. Jumping up and down with joy. Here is my big chance. I can finally prove to someone that I can be a great teacher. I can get a job that won't require me to move home with my parents (though I do love my parents very much!). Not me though. Nope, as soon as I got off the phone I began to berate God. "This isn't what I wanted. This really can't be part of your plan for my life. Why on earth did I apply for the position in the first place? We talked about this God, you know which position I want. Why can't you just give me that one?" As usually happens in these situations, God started bringing to mind verses about thankfulness.
"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I let my requests be known to God but I sure didn't do it with thanksgiving. And I didn't give thanks when I got that phone call this morning. As I prepare for my interview tomorrow, I will also be preparing my heart for whatever God's will might be. I will be giving thanks in everything, and I will do my best to let the peace of God that passes all understanding guard my heart. I will be working to let go of my wants and desires so that I can see more clearly what God desires for me...even if that means teaching 3rd grade in a town of 400 people.
Wow, that is awesome to read that, but you are very right in what you said. We don't know what God has in store for us and it's EVEN more difficult to wait patiently to see what that plan is. But I do know that in my heart (and yes these words are coming from yours truly) that things do happen for a reason and that call is just another stepping stone in our walk with God. Lean on your faith my friend and I know a door somewhere will open welcoming you in. :)
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