For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My Brethren, these things ought not to be this way. James 3:7-10
"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." Luke 6:27-31
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon and you will be pardoned." Luke 6:36-37
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:25-26
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. Ephesians 4:29-5:2
I need to read this every day for the rest of my life. I need to be reminded over and over again how I should speak to those around me. I need God to mute me more often than I care to admit. I need to think before I speak. To respond in love and not hate. To tame my tongue. To not give the devil any opportunities. To be an imitator of God. To walk in love. To be merciful. To not judge. To not condemn. To pray for those around me. I need to read this every day for the rest of my life in the hopes that it will become so ingrained in me, that I will react as God would have me react and not as my sinful nature begs to react.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Striving for Excellence
I have never been able to strive for excellence. Commitment issues, I guess.
I have been blessed by God with enough smarts to get by without really ever trying. Maybe I would be different if that weren't the case. But because of that, I've never really had to work hard for any of my classes. Sure, I had to do the basics in all of my classes, but the basics got me by. I got mostly A's and a few B's here and there, but I never had any desire to work harder so I was ok with that. I didn't strive for excellence, I strove for mediocrity and solidly hit that mark.
I always thought it was a choice that I made. I thought that it was because I didn't care, I didn't want it, I didn't need it, so I didn't try for it. Now I'm beginning to think it's less of a choice and more of a lifestyle that I've created for myself. And I don't know how to change that. When it was a choice to be mediocre instead of excellent, I always knew that when I really wanted to, when I was ready for it, when I cared enough, I could decide to be excellent. Whenever I started something believing that this would be the moment, this would be the time when I would be excellent, it would last a few weeks...or maybe a few days and then be over with. But I just told myself that I didn't care about it. I "chose" not to be excellent at it. Now I'm realizing that just isn't true.
The truth is, I don't know how to be excellent. I don't even know where to begin. How do I commit myself to something and strive for excellence? How do I stick with it long enough to give myself the chance to get to excellence instead of stopping at mediocrity? And what is holding me back? There are so many things I've tried over the years, so many things I could have tried to be excellent at....yet here I sit, just "ok" at a lot of things.
What's funny is that all of this has been bouncing around in my head because of a challenge presented to me by one of my friends. Run a half-marathon with her in May. That gives me 7 months to get to the point where I can run 13 miles. That's more than enough time, right? I have a goal, I have a plan, I can do this, I can strive for excellence in this area....or not. A week into the plan and I was ready to quit. I started making excuses. I've never been a runner. I'm not built to be a runner. Genetics are against me. My legs being different lengths makes it too hard. And besides, I don't want to run that far. I never wanted to run that far.
Yet, here I sit, wondering when I will get over this. What I need to do to get over this. It's not even about running the half-marathon at this point. Whether I do or I don't, doesn't matter. What matters is if I will ever get over this block and be able to strive for excellence. Because God asks me to give him my all. And that will require striving for excellence.
"And He said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matthew 22:37-38
It doesn't say, "with part of your heart, and a little bit of your soul, and as much of your mind as you feel like." It says, "with ALL". All requires more than mediocrity. It requires excellence. I won't get there in a day and I know that. But I want to strive for that. I want to be able to say that I strove to love the LORD my God with everything in me...not with just a part of me. I know it will be worth what God has in store for me. And maybe someday, I will understand why excellence is so difficult for me. Maybe someday I will run a half-marathon. Maybe someday I will love God with everything in me. Maybe someday I will get past striving for mediocrity and start striving for excellence.
I have been blessed by God with enough smarts to get by without really ever trying. Maybe I would be different if that weren't the case. But because of that, I've never really had to work hard for any of my classes. Sure, I had to do the basics in all of my classes, but the basics got me by. I got mostly A's and a few B's here and there, but I never had any desire to work harder so I was ok with that. I didn't strive for excellence, I strove for mediocrity and solidly hit that mark.
I always thought it was a choice that I made. I thought that it was because I didn't care, I didn't want it, I didn't need it, so I didn't try for it. Now I'm beginning to think it's less of a choice and more of a lifestyle that I've created for myself. And I don't know how to change that. When it was a choice to be mediocre instead of excellent, I always knew that when I really wanted to, when I was ready for it, when I cared enough, I could decide to be excellent. Whenever I started something believing that this would be the moment, this would be the time when I would be excellent, it would last a few weeks...or maybe a few days and then be over with. But I just told myself that I didn't care about it. I "chose" not to be excellent at it. Now I'm realizing that just isn't true.
The truth is, I don't know how to be excellent. I don't even know where to begin. How do I commit myself to something and strive for excellence? How do I stick with it long enough to give myself the chance to get to excellence instead of stopping at mediocrity? And what is holding me back? There are so many things I've tried over the years, so many things I could have tried to be excellent at....yet here I sit, just "ok" at a lot of things.
What's funny is that all of this has been bouncing around in my head because of a challenge presented to me by one of my friends. Run a half-marathon with her in May. That gives me 7 months to get to the point where I can run 13 miles. That's more than enough time, right? I have a goal, I have a plan, I can do this, I can strive for excellence in this area....or not. A week into the plan and I was ready to quit. I started making excuses. I've never been a runner. I'm not built to be a runner. Genetics are against me. My legs being different lengths makes it too hard. And besides, I don't want to run that far. I never wanted to run that far.
Yet, here I sit, wondering when I will get over this. What I need to do to get over this. It's not even about running the half-marathon at this point. Whether I do or I don't, doesn't matter. What matters is if I will ever get over this block and be able to strive for excellence. Because God asks me to give him my all. And that will require striving for excellence.
"And He said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matthew 22:37-38
It doesn't say, "with part of your heart, and a little bit of your soul, and as much of your mind as you feel like." It says, "with ALL". All requires more than mediocrity. It requires excellence. I won't get there in a day and I know that. But I want to strive for that. I want to be able to say that I strove to love the LORD my God with everything in me...not with just a part of me. I know it will be worth what God has in store for me. And maybe someday, I will understand why excellence is so difficult for me. Maybe someday I will run a half-marathon. Maybe someday I will love God with everything in me. Maybe someday I will get past striving for mediocrity and start striving for excellence.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Frustration
I can't ever remember being so frustrated with students before. It's as if they don't listen. It's as if they don't care. It's as if they expect everything to be done for them. Oh wait.....that's exactly how they feel.
I realize they are only 9, but that doesn't mean they can just sit their and be waited on hand and foot. I'm so incredibly tired of being asked a question about something that I've already explained 3 times. If anyone cared to listen, they would know what they are supposed to do. I hate explaining something and then repeating those same instructions to every kid in class, one person at a time.
And no I will not answer the question for you. It's a test! Figure it out yourself! It's shocking that a problem that they have seen at least 3 times before can suddenly confound them when they see it on a test. But I can't subtract 6 from 0. What am I supposed to do? Borrowing? What is this crazy concept you are talking about? I've never heard about it before!
Not to mention the student who is in a race to complete his test before everyone else. He turns it in, covered in scribbles, which I waded through to grade. 10/27 points. Epic fail! Yet, when he retakes the test, sitting right next to me, without any help at all....he aced it. 27/27. 100%. Why is it impossible for him to focus for 20 minutes and do it correctly the first time around? It frustrates me that he knows how to do it. He just won't.
By the time a student hits 3rd grade they should be able to copy words without having spelling issues or even mixing up lines. We wrote Haikus yesterday. Great Haikus. Beautiful Haikus. Yet somewhere between the piece of paper where everything was written correctly, had the correct spelling, and the right number of syllables per line and the poster that they were copying them to, chaos happened. Lines got switched around, one girl had the 7 syllable line first even though it was obviously written second on here paper. Words were suddenly misspelled. Syllables were added or deleted. How hard can it be to copy something word for word from a paper to a poster? Apparently it is as hard for them as they would find physics. And that's not the only place they have trouble with copying from 1 thing to another. On the same freaking page!! A singular noun is given and the have to make it plural. On the line right next to the word. But what actually happens is a lot of misspelled words and half of them aren't plural. Why is it so difficult? I should not have to make the assignment idiot proof for them to complete it. It's already too easy. I could write the answers to a test on the board for them to write on their paper and half the class would still fail the test!
The worst part about this frustration? It's only October. I still have 7 more months with these students and I don't see it getting any better. If you see me beating my head against a wall, just let me be. I will either get it out of my system or cause enough brain damage that I won't have to deal with it anymore.
I realize they are only 9, but that doesn't mean they can just sit their and be waited on hand and foot. I'm so incredibly tired of being asked a question about something that I've already explained 3 times. If anyone cared to listen, they would know what they are supposed to do. I hate explaining something and then repeating those same instructions to every kid in class, one person at a time.
And no I will not answer the question for you. It's a test! Figure it out yourself! It's shocking that a problem that they have seen at least 3 times before can suddenly confound them when they see it on a test. But I can't subtract 6 from 0. What am I supposed to do? Borrowing? What is this crazy concept you are talking about? I've never heard about it before!
Not to mention the student who is in a race to complete his test before everyone else. He turns it in, covered in scribbles, which I waded through to grade. 10/27 points. Epic fail! Yet, when he retakes the test, sitting right next to me, without any help at all....he aced it. 27/27. 100%. Why is it impossible for him to focus for 20 minutes and do it correctly the first time around? It frustrates me that he knows how to do it. He just won't.
By the time a student hits 3rd grade they should be able to copy words without having spelling issues or even mixing up lines. We wrote Haikus yesterday. Great Haikus. Beautiful Haikus. Yet somewhere between the piece of paper where everything was written correctly, had the correct spelling, and the right number of syllables per line and the poster that they were copying them to, chaos happened. Lines got switched around, one girl had the 7 syllable line first even though it was obviously written second on here paper. Words were suddenly misspelled. Syllables were added or deleted. How hard can it be to copy something word for word from a paper to a poster? Apparently it is as hard for them as they would find physics. And that's not the only place they have trouble with copying from 1 thing to another. On the same freaking page!! A singular noun is given and the have to make it plural. On the line right next to the word. But what actually happens is a lot of misspelled words and half of them aren't plural. Why is it so difficult? I should not have to make the assignment idiot proof for them to complete it. It's already too easy. I could write the answers to a test on the board for them to write on their paper and half the class would still fail the test!
The worst part about this frustration? It's only October. I still have 7 more months with these students and I don't see it getting any better. If you see me beating my head against a wall, just let me be. I will either get it out of my system or cause enough brain damage that I won't have to deal with it anymore.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Writing Poetry
My deep philosophical thought for this...decade I guess, is that love is like writing poetry. No seriously, go with me on this one, just for a minute.
Remember back in grade school when your assignment was to write poetry of some kind? Whether it was a haiku, an acrostic, a couplet, or a sonnet, the moment you were required to write one, you couldn't. The problem wasn't always coming up with things to say. It was making what you had to say fit into a specific form. In the same way, love can't be forced to fit a certain mold. The moment you are expected to provide it, you are unable to do so. It's not that you can't love, the problem is making it fit the expectations. It doesn't ever look the same, and expecting love to always be a perfect 5-7-5 haiku is naive.
Poetry writing is also hard to force. Sometimes it's there and it flows out of you creating something unique and beautiful. Other times, you sit staring at a blank page for hours on end without anything coming out. Trying to force poetry will only cause frustration. Similarly, love can't be forced. Nor should it be. When it's there, it will flow out of you and create something unique and beautiful. Trying to force love can only bring frustration.
Writing poetry isn't a surface hobby. Poetry can be simple, light and fun, but there is always an underlying deeper emotion. Poetry is best, is most meaningful, when it comes from deep within your soul. Love isn't a surface emotion. It can be simple, light and fun, but it is only real when it comes from deep within you.
Poetry exposes you. Because poetry comes from within you, it exposes part of who you are every time you write something. Poetry isn't about hiding, it's not about being on your own, it's not meant to be kept to yourself. Love also exposes you. Loving people isn't about hiding, it's not about being alone, and it certainly isn't meant to be kept to yourself.
Writing poetry is a lot like love. It doesn't always happen when you want it to. But when inspiration hits, when love comes, it can't be stopped. You might wait days, months, or even years. But just like the paper is always ready to have something written on it, your heart will always be ready to be invaded by love.
Remember back in grade school when your assignment was to write poetry of some kind? Whether it was a haiku, an acrostic, a couplet, or a sonnet, the moment you were required to write one, you couldn't. The problem wasn't always coming up with things to say. It was making what you had to say fit into a specific form. In the same way, love can't be forced to fit a certain mold. The moment you are expected to provide it, you are unable to do so. It's not that you can't love, the problem is making it fit the expectations. It doesn't ever look the same, and expecting love to always be a perfect 5-7-5 haiku is naive.
Poetry writing is also hard to force. Sometimes it's there and it flows out of you creating something unique and beautiful. Other times, you sit staring at a blank page for hours on end without anything coming out. Trying to force poetry will only cause frustration. Similarly, love can't be forced. Nor should it be. When it's there, it will flow out of you and create something unique and beautiful. Trying to force love can only bring frustration.
Writing poetry isn't a surface hobby. Poetry can be simple, light and fun, but there is always an underlying deeper emotion. Poetry is best, is most meaningful, when it comes from deep within your soul. Love isn't a surface emotion. It can be simple, light and fun, but it is only real when it comes from deep within you.
Poetry exposes you. Because poetry comes from within you, it exposes part of who you are every time you write something. Poetry isn't about hiding, it's not about being on your own, it's not meant to be kept to yourself. Love also exposes you. Loving people isn't about hiding, it's not about being alone, and it certainly isn't meant to be kept to yourself.
Writing poetry is a lot like love. It doesn't always happen when you want it to. But when inspiration hits, when love comes, it can't be stopped. You might wait days, months, or even years. But just like the paper is always ready to have something written on it, your heart will always be ready to be invaded by love.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Hope
Hope is such a weird thing. You can't live without hope, yet so often it bites you in the end. You try to guard against it, yet it steals in. You wake up one day and there it is, having taken up residence in your life, while you were busy doing other things. You get used to it, even begin to welcome it. Because we can't live without hope.
Hope is such a weird thing. It never looks at the facts. Never takes into account any obstacle. Nothing is impossible for hope. Reality tries to convince it otherwise. But hope never falters. It continues on the same path, never looking to one side or the other. Never looking back, it only looks ahead. Even when reality hits you like a brick wall to the face, hope is still there. Still hoping.
Hope is such a weird thing. Nothing can bring joy faster than hopes being realized. Nothing can bring tears faster than hopes being crushed. And you find yourself asking if it is worth it or not. Is it worth the pain just for the possible? But then again, without hope, you would never experience joy in the same way. You can't live without hope, yet how often would we like to do just that?
Hope is such a weird thing. It never looks at the facts. Never takes into account any obstacle. Nothing is impossible for hope. Reality tries to convince it otherwise. But hope never falters. It continues on the same path, never looking to one side or the other. Never looking back, it only looks ahead. Even when reality hits you like a brick wall to the face, hope is still there. Still hoping.
Hope is such a weird thing. Nothing can bring joy faster than hopes being realized. Nothing can bring tears faster than hopes being crushed. And you find yourself asking if it is worth it or not. Is it worth the pain just for the possible? But then again, without hope, you would never experience joy in the same way. You can't live without hope, yet how often would we like to do just that?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The Game
Time passes slowly
It takes way too long
But it's almost here
The countdown begins
Anticipation is building
It's almost here
Everyone's talking
Opinions abound
It's almost here
Days crawl by
Lists are out
It's almost here
The smell of the food
The sounds of laughter
It's almost here
The crush of people
The weather is perfect
The weather is perfect
It's almost time
The stadium's full
It's monochromatic
It's almost time
The beating of drums
The Pride takes the field
It's finally time
The coin is flipped
The announcement made
It's finally here
The crowd roars
The ball soars
Kickoff is here
Players are flying
The turf is churning
Game time is here
Coaches are yelling
Players are sweating
Game time is here
Whistle's are blowing
Yellow is flying
Game time is here
Referees are talking
The call has been made
Game time is here
Emotions are high
The crowd is involved
Game time is here
First downs and third downs
Touchdowns and kickoffs
Game time is here
There are cheers and boos
There are smiles and tears
Game time is here
The band is playing
The crowd is singing
Game time is here
High-fives are everywhere
The crowd is celebrating
The game has been won
The end has come
People disperse
The game is done
The talking continues
Breaking it down
The game is done
Voices are hoarse
But no one cares
The game is done
Adrenaline dissipates
Sleep slowly sets in
The game is done
But very soon
It begins again
Another game will come
Excitement is everywhere
Hope always reigns
Another game will come
The season is here
It will be over to quickly
But right now- it's college football time!
Monday, August 16, 2010
All.... or Nothing....
All is scary
All is hard
All is demanding
All can fail
All can break
All is risky
All is vulnerable
All hurts
All expects
All consumes
Nothing is comfortable
Nothing is easy
Nothing doesn't ask for anything
Nothing can't fail
Nothing never risks
Nothing doesn't break
Nothing has no expectations
Nothing is safe
All dreams
All succeeds
All can fly
All is worth it
All hopes
All believes
All knows joy
All loves
All realizes
Nothing never dreams
Nothing never succeeds
Nothing hurts
Nothing consumes
Nothing never believes
Nothing doesn't know love
Nothing never knows joy
Nothing knows failure
Nothing never realizes
All....or Nothing...
All is hard
All is demanding
All can fail
All can break
All is risky
All is vulnerable
All hurts
All expects
All consumes
Nothing is comfortable
Nothing is easy
Nothing doesn't ask for anything
Nothing can't fail
Nothing never risks
Nothing doesn't break
Nothing has no expectations
Nothing is safe
All dreams
All succeeds
All can fly
All is worth it
All hopes
All believes
All knows joy
All loves
All realizes
Nothing never dreams
Nothing never succeeds
Nothing hurts
Nothing consumes
Nothing never believes
Nothing doesn't know love
Nothing never knows joy
Nothing knows failure
Nothing never realizes
All....or Nothing...
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The best laid plans...
I find it difficult to trust people. I just can't see how anyone else can take care of me better than I can. I've been untrustworthy and I've felt the backlash from untrustworthy people. Sometimes I feel like a dog that has been kicked too many times. I try to believe that people can be trusted but I flinch every time someone makes a sudden move. This feeling tends to color my relationship with God as well. I make my own plans and tell God how things are going to go, because of course I have my own best interests in mind and he might not. I know my hopes and dreams, I know what I want and how I want it. But every time I start telling God how my life is supposed to look, he takes everything and turns it upside-down. He sends me in a totally different direction. And as I reflect on where I've been so far, his plans have always worked out better than my own ever would have. I still question his every move...wondering when that kick is going to come, that moment that proves I was right all along and he isn't as trustworthy as I had hoped. Yet God doesn't fail, he never flinches from the questions, he stands firm despite my scrutiny and fulfills the promises he has made.
"'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11
This is a popular verse when people question the journey. But there is more to it than that. People never seem to look at the next verses, but they mean more to me than that verse by itself.
"'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'" Jeremiah 29:12-13
Verse 11 contains a promise that God has it under control. He has a plan and knows what it is but the promises in verses 12 and 13 give me more peace, and allow me to trust a little more. To know that God listens to me. He cares about me enough to actually listen. Because of this promise, I know that if I seek him with all of my heart I will find him. He has never failed to back up any of his promises. In the midst of change, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of endings and beginnings, in the midst of questions, in the midst of life, all I need to do is seek him and I will find him. And his promises don't end there.
"Delight yourself in the Lord; And he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him , and He will do it." Psalm 37:4-5
He promises to give me the desires of my heart. Which means that He knows the desires of my heart. The God of the universe promises that if I commit my way to Him- if I seek Him- He has a plan for my life, that includes the desires of my Heart. What is there to fear? What is there to worry about? What is there to question? God has it in his very capable hands. He has a plan, he knows my desires, and all I have to do is commit my way to him, to trust him, and to seek him. God doesn't expect me to give up the things that mean the most to me and for some reason that makes it easier to trust him. I find myself looking at God and saying, "I'm ready. I don't know what will happen or how things will work out, but I'm ready to seek and find you. I'm ready to commit and to trust that you have a plan that includes the desires of my heart. I'm ready for wherever you lead me."
So with that attitude, I don't know what the next year will look like but I'm ready to find out. I know it won't be easy but I'm committing myself, I'm seeking with all my heart, I'm learning to trust and I'm excited to see where God leads me and how his promises are fulfilled in my life.
"'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11
This is a popular verse when people question the journey. But there is more to it than that. People never seem to look at the next verses, but they mean more to me than that verse by itself.
"'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'" Jeremiah 29:12-13
Verse 11 contains a promise that God has it under control. He has a plan and knows what it is but the promises in verses 12 and 13 give me more peace, and allow me to trust a little more. To know that God listens to me. He cares about me enough to actually listen. Because of this promise, I know that if I seek him with all of my heart I will find him. He has never failed to back up any of his promises. In the midst of change, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of endings and beginnings, in the midst of questions, in the midst of life, all I need to do is seek him and I will find him. And his promises don't end there.
"Delight yourself in the Lord; And he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him , and He will do it." Psalm 37:4-5
He promises to give me the desires of my heart. Which means that He knows the desires of my heart. The God of the universe promises that if I commit my way to Him- if I seek Him- He has a plan for my life, that includes the desires of my Heart. What is there to fear? What is there to worry about? What is there to question? God has it in his very capable hands. He has a plan, he knows my desires, and all I have to do is commit my way to him, to trust him, and to seek him. God doesn't expect me to give up the things that mean the most to me and for some reason that makes it easier to trust him. I find myself looking at God and saying, "I'm ready. I don't know what will happen or how things will work out, but I'm ready to seek and find you. I'm ready to commit and to trust that you have a plan that includes the desires of my heart. I'm ready for wherever you lead me."
So with that attitude, I don't know what the next year will look like but I'm ready to find out. I know it won't be easy but I'm committing myself, I'm seeking with all my heart, I'm learning to trust and I'm excited to see where God leads me and how his promises are fulfilled in my life.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Unwanted Answers
Have you ever prayed for something for a long time with no reply? Waited and waited for an answer with only silence? And then, when the answer finally comes, you start explaining how that isn't what you wanted? That's where I found myself this morning.
I've been praying for an interview/job all summer. Now that may not seem like a long time to you, but to me it has been an eternity. I've applied for positions all across the state and even in other states. And I haven't heard a thing from anyone. Not even a form letter or email saying, "Thank you for applying but we have filled this position." I realize that they are busy and have probably waded through more applications than they know what to do with, but when you are sitting on this end of it...it's like waiting for your birthday without the joy of presents to make up for all of the waiting!
It has gotten to the point where I've started applying for jobs without even considering them beyond whether or not I'm qualified for it. At the end of the school year, I told everyone I know that I would never teach 3rd grade or above. I'm made for Kindergarten. I love teaching Kindergarten. My perfect job in a perfect world would be to teach Kindergarten. But in the past month I've applied for every position I can which has included 3rd-6th grade positions. Having gone this long without hearing from any school district, I figured nothing would come of it.
I also have very specific opinions on where I would like to live. I don't want to work in a big city like Wichita or Kansas City. One of the suburbs wouldn't be terrible, but definitely not in the middle of the city! On the other hand, I don't want to work in a small town either. Can you imagine living in a town of 1,000 people or less? What on earth would you do to fill your free time? And how weird would it be to know or be known by everyone in town? That's way too much pressure for me! A town the size of Manhattan would be perfect for me, though I've applied for jobs in towns of every shape and size. Of course, I made sure that God was well aware of what I wanted. But I never stopped to seriously consider that his plan might not be the same as mine.
So here I am having prayed all summer for an interview/job. A chance to prove to somebody, anybody that I'm worthwhile. I can be a great teacher if you just give me a chance. I'm made for big things, I can just feel it! So when the phone call that I've been waiting for finally came this morning you would think that I would have been excited. Jumping up and down with joy. Here is my big chance. I can finally prove to someone that I can be a great teacher. I can get a job that won't require me to move home with my parents (though I do love my parents very much!). Not me though. Nope, as soon as I got off the phone I began to berate God. "This isn't what I wanted. This really can't be part of your plan for my life. Why on earth did I apply for the position in the first place? We talked about this God, you know which position I want. Why can't you just give me that one?" As usually happens in these situations, God started bringing to mind verses about thankfulness.
"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I let my requests be known to God but I sure didn't do it with thanksgiving. And I didn't give thanks when I got that phone call this morning. As I prepare for my interview tomorrow, I will also be preparing my heart for whatever God's will might be. I will be giving thanks in everything, and I will do my best to let the peace of God that passes all understanding guard my heart. I will be working to let go of my wants and desires so that I can see more clearly what God desires for me...even if that means teaching 3rd grade in a town of 400 people.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Lines
I remember when my family moved from Riley, KS to Garden City, KS. I was 7 and thought it was a grand adventure. We had a big moving truck in our driveway and had worked hard all day packing everything we owned into that truck. By nightfall, everyone was exhausted and ready for a break...or not quite. Really, the adults had worked hard all day and were ready for a break while the kids (my brothers, cousins and I) were much too excited and full of energy. We were running around, climbing in and on the truck, and most likely driving all of the adults nuts. Finally, my mom came out and told us to leave the truck alone. She said the next person to touch the truck would have to stay in the empty house with her and dad, rather than spending the night with our cousins at their house. The line had been drawn.
The problem was, and still is, that I like to walk lines. I have this strange compulsion to see how close I can get to the line without going over. And when I do accidentally cross the line? I quickly look around to see if anyone noticed and then go right back to that line to see if I can get that close without going over this time.
So what did we do with the line my mom had drawn? We made a game of it, of course. The goal was to get as close as possible to the truck without actually touching it, but after awhile that was boring and we decided to up the stakes. One of us would stand with our finger millimeters away from the truck, while another person would give them a "little" push. If you moved fast enough, you still didn't touch the truck. If you didn't move fast enough...well, we would quickly look towards to house to make sure we hadn't been caught and then go right back to the truck. As usually happens when you are crossing the line, someone finally got caught. Me. I remember being so mad because I had to stay at the house while my brothers got to leave. I wasn't at all repentant about being disobedient. I was just mad that I had been caught while others hadn't. And of course my defense was that "everyone else was doing it".
As I was remembering this, I thought about how often I do that with sin. The line has been drawn but I do my best to walk right up to it without going over. If I accidentally cross the line I just look around to make sure I wasn't "caught" and then go right back to the line. But am I repentant when I am caught? Or am I just mad because "everyone else is doing it" but I am the only one who is suffering the consequences?
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8
The line has been drawn. Yet here I sit surrounded by the world and I don't appear any different because I'm trying to get as close to that line as possible. I listen to the same music, watch the same movies and tv shows, frequent the same establishments, read the same books, etc. I'm called to be different, to be set apart, but am I? How is the world going to know I'm different if not by my actions? And when I deal with the consequences of my actions, am I repentant, or upset at being "caught"?
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." 1 John 2:15
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16
I've been doing it all wrong. Rather than trying to get as close to sin as possible, I need to get as close to God as possible. Rather than trying to walk the line between sin and obedience, I should cross the line between obedience and loving obsession. Rather than having people question my actions, I want to shine before men so that they will praise my Father in heaven. Care to join me?
The problem was, and still is, that I like to walk lines. I have this strange compulsion to see how close I can get to the line without going over. And when I do accidentally cross the line? I quickly look around to see if anyone noticed and then go right back to that line to see if I can get that close without going over this time.
So what did we do with the line my mom had drawn? We made a game of it, of course. The goal was to get as close as possible to the truck without actually touching it, but after awhile that was boring and we decided to up the stakes. One of us would stand with our finger millimeters away from the truck, while another person would give them a "little" push. If you moved fast enough, you still didn't touch the truck. If you didn't move fast enough...well, we would quickly look towards to house to make sure we hadn't been caught and then go right back to the truck. As usually happens when you are crossing the line, someone finally got caught. Me. I remember being so mad because I had to stay at the house while my brothers got to leave. I wasn't at all repentant about being disobedient. I was just mad that I had been caught while others hadn't. And of course my defense was that "everyone else was doing it".
As I was remembering this, I thought about how often I do that with sin. The line has been drawn but I do my best to walk right up to it without going over. If I accidentally cross the line I just look around to make sure I wasn't "caught" and then go right back to the line. But am I repentant when I am caught? Or am I just mad because "everyone else is doing it" but I am the only one who is suffering the consequences?
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8
The line has been drawn. Yet here I sit surrounded by the world and I don't appear any different because I'm trying to get as close to that line as possible. I listen to the same music, watch the same movies and tv shows, frequent the same establishments, read the same books, etc. I'm called to be different, to be set apart, but am I? How is the world going to know I'm different if not by my actions? And when I deal with the consequences of my actions, am I repentant, or upset at being "caught"?
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." 1 John 2:15
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16
I've been doing it all wrong. Rather than trying to get as close to sin as possible, I need to get as close to God as possible. Rather than trying to walk the line between sin and obedience, I should cross the line between obedience and loving obsession. Rather than having people question my actions, I want to shine before men so that they will praise my Father in heaven. Care to join me?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friends are
Friends are like...
The first cup of coffee in the morning
A warm blanket on a cold day
A refreshing shower at the end of a long day
Christmas morning
A beautiful sunrise
Curling up with a good book
The first snowfall
A hot cup of tea
Lazy summer days
The perfect end to the perfect day
Friends are...
Laughter at midnight
Whispers in the dark
Long talks about nothing and everything
A call when you need it
Hands to help you up
Arms to hold you tight
Eager to celebrate
Willing to cry
Never forgotten
The spice of our lives
Friends are never apart-
They are always in each others hearts
The first cup of coffee in the morning
A warm blanket on a cold day
A refreshing shower at the end of a long day
Christmas morning
A beautiful sunrise
Curling up with a good book
The first snowfall
A hot cup of tea
Lazy summer days
The perfect end to the perfect day
Friends are...
Laughter at midnight
Whispers in the dark
Long talks about nothing and everything
A call when you need it
Hands to help you up
Arms to hold you tight
Eager to celebrate
Willing to cry
Never forgotten
The spice of our lives
Friends are never apart-
They are always in each others hearts
Faith Walking
Growing, Changing, Stretching
Renewing, Learning, Transforming
Eyes opening, Assumptions changing, Paradigms shifting
Anticipation building, Nerves Tingling, Hands shaking
Life bursting, God leading, Faith walking
Renewing, Learning, Transforming
Eyes opening, Assumptions changing, Paradigms shifting
Anticipation building, Nerves Tingling, Hands shaking
Life bursting, God leading, Faith walking
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